I had heard of heartbreak in secondary school, though I never physically experienced it. We sometimes symbolised it as a heart drawn with a zig zag arrow passing through its middle, signifying the point of breakage. It was our expression for failed crushes and broken friendships. I understood it as another term for sadness or emotional distress. To me, it was just a feeling. I never imagined a broken heart could be something so deeply physical until I lost my dad.
My dad fell ill suddenly, and we took him to the hospital. Tests were done but while we awaited the results of the tests, he slumped at home. He was gone in a few hours, leaving everyone in shock and disbelief. It happened so fast, leaving no chance to say Goodbye.
Yet, I had a funeral to plan even in my state of shock. I switched into autopilot mode without pausing to breathe or process what had just happened. This was my first real experience with loss, and I had no idea how to process the overwhelming emotion that followed.
Planning the funeral was a seamless task with help from family and friends. In just a couple of weeks, we laid him to rest. Then life was supposed to return to normal, but it didn’t.
I tried to resume my regular activities, but inside of me, something had changed. I remember how I felt each day: I woke up physically tired even after my full hours of sleep, I was emotionally drained, unable to handle anything remotely intense, I was a shadow of myself.
As I tried to reflect on my loss, my body began to speak what my mind could not express. My chest felt like there was a heavy mass placed on it which made it difficult for my heart to beat. Sometimes, I felt my heart was pumping with so much force, it wanted to burst. Occasionally, I felt an odd fluttering sensation in my heart, separate from my heartbeat, it felt like two hearts beating in my chest. Sometimes, my heart skipped beats, other times it doubled up. These irregular rhythms always coincided with thoughts of my dad’s sudden death, his funeral or memories we had shared. I didn’t understand it. My grief was not only in my mind, it was physically in my heart.
This went on and off for about six months until one day, the pain became unbearable. It felt like what people describe when having a heart attack: crushing, consuming, terrifying. I was rushed to the hospital.
All tests came back clear: my blood tests, scans, electrocardiograms and all necessary examinations came up with no physical abnormality. That’s when a doctor gently asked if I had experienced a significant emotional trauma lately. I told him about losing my dad. He gave me the name for what I was experiencing: Broken Heart Syndrome.
What is Broken Heart Syndrome?
Broken heart syndrome also known as stress cardiomyopathy or Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, is a medically recognised heart condition, brought on by extreme emotional stress such as grief from the death of a loved one or a painful loss of something considered dear.
It is caused by an excess or sudden release of certain stress hormones, particularly adrenaline to help the body cope with the stress. Unfortunately, this results in the weakening of the heart muscles and temporarily disrupts the heart’s normal functioning.
The symptoms mimic a heart attack and may present as chest pain, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, heart palpitations, and dizziness. However, unlike a heart attack which is caused by blocked arteries, Broken Heart Syndrome causes no permanent damage to the heart.
It is diagnosed by a doctor after physical examination, tests, scans and a review of the symptoms, medical history and recent life changing events that might have caused extreme stress to the patient.
Broken heart syndrome is usually self-limiting. Treatment often involves rest and management of the stressor. Certain medications that are used to treat high blood pressure may be prescribed to ease the strain on the heart as it heals. The heart heals naturally and full recovery is possible.
Personal Reflection
Loss comes in different forms. For some, it’s the death of a loved one or the end of a precious relationship. For others, it’s financial or a loss of identity. With a feeling of loss comes grief.
Our bodies process grief in different ways. Sometimes, it’s limited to our emotions, with feelings of sadness, anxiety and emotional distress. Other times, the heart also takes the hit. I have since met a woman who told me her whole body seemed to collapse as she grieved the loss of her twin brother. A barrage of illnesses kept her in and out of the hospital. Sadly, I grew up with a neighbour, a woman who experienced life’s worst tragedy; the loss of her son. She was totally devastated and never recovered from her loss. She died a couple of years later from a broken heart.
Heartbreak is real. It is not only a painful emotion, it is a pain in the physical heart. When a broken heart stays unresolved for too long, it can have grievous effects on the body. We need to be aware of this syndrome, so we can get the right help for those in grief.
Once I understood my diagnosis, my healing journey began.
I reflected and put on paper every conversation and precious moment spent with him, and all that I was grateful for. He was my sage; deep in wisdom and knowledge. My dependable source of advice, he had my back unconditionally. Journaling helped me see the gains in my pain, and practise gratitude in my grief. Then my heart began to beat slowly and steadily, with calmness restored.
Our paths to healing from a broken heart may differ. For some people, it may come from movement: physical exercise, walking, yoga, dancing. For others it’s in stillness: prayers, meditations and mindfulness. Some will heal through creating: crafting, painting, writing, music. While others find healing through connections with family, friends or a professional therapist. The key thing is to listen to yourself and identify what soothes your pain. It may be one or a combination of activities. It is important to find your path and embrace the healing journey.
My journey to recovery was slow and long, especially because it intertwined with other life challenges. But I made it. Fortunately, healing is not a race. There is no prize for getting over grief quickly. It is a natural process which rises from beneath. So, if yours seems to be taking too long, give it time, be gentle with yourself, and seek help if you need it. The most important thing is to stay on the path of healing.
I hope you find comfort in your moment of loss and healing from your grief.