It’s important to reassess our every action, not on the face of what it is today, but where it could lead to in the years ahead. This is a forward-looking approach to decision making. After all, that’s what we do in safe engineering and design. We check for integrity, for holding power, we think of the outcome after decades and centuries of use. That is how key decisions should be taken in our individual lives too, because today’s choices shape the future.
But I didn’t apply this principle when I started gardening.
I grew up in the heart of the city where houses were built closely packed together due to limited availability of land. The gardens were all blasted in concrete, leaving no open soil for planting. The most we had were potted plants that gave us some indoor aesthetics and extra oxygen during the day. I didn’t get the chance to nurture a plant from seedling to full maturity, nor to understand how trees grow naturally, unrestrained in the ground.
Then as an adult, I moved to the outskirt of town with a large garden. I decided to try my hands on gardening. The internet wasn’t so popular then and the wealth of information available online today was practically non-existent. I planted shade-loving plants in the south-facing part of the garden, and sun-lovers in the north. I didn’t bother to check the suitability of the soil for the plants I planted. Of course I made more than my fair share of mistakes, but nature survived. I planted grasses, shrubs, conifers and the seedling of a tree known as the Madagascar almond, scientifically known as Terminalia mantaly. All I wanted was a lush green garden; and I achieved it.
Over the years, I nurtured the garden and watched it flourish. I’m lucky to have green fingers. Or maybe a little too green, because my Madagascar tree spread out its branches excessively in layers creating shade for outdoor sitting and a stunning aesthetics. Overall, I got what I wanted; a beautiful garden.
I enjoyed the ambience created by the tree for about 15 years until it became an overgrown monster. First, I noticed the lifting of the paving stones on the driveway. The roots had gotten too big and spread out so much that they were lifting the floor. Initially, I got the stones removed, roots trimmed, and the stones replaced. This turned out to be a temporary fix as two years later, a bigger problem surfaced; the roots had grown into the underground pipelines and sewage line in its search for water, and it had damaged the entire sewage system.
I can tell you for sure that this was an expensive problem to fix and through it all, I kept asking myself “what was I thinking when I planted a tree so close to a building?”
It was a harmless little plant when I bought and brought it home, a beautiful seedling, nicely shaped with tiny branches and deep green leaves. I didn’t stop to imagine what it would look like 18 years on and what problems lay ahead. All I saw was the present; a little seedling that needed to be transplanted into the ground.
This is the analogue when we pick up tiny, seemingly harmless habits in the present without considering the long-term consequences of our choice. We forget that little actions matter in the long run. A lot of the vices we see in adults today were picked up as harmless habits along the way. We call it experimenting. Unfortunately, yesterday’s experimenting is the seed of the addiction people battle with today. And today’s choices will shape the future.
There’s a saying that “What we feed grows.” In our present role as parents, we must remember this. Parenting is the process of planting the seeds of good habit, and uprooting bad ones early. We can’t stay silent and watch bad habits take root. That will be an error. We need to be intentional about good parenting.
So, what are we nurturing? Is it constant lateness to school that eventually leads to truancy or complete deregulation? Or the little childhood disobedience that creates an outlaw? The small lies that lead to full blown deceit? Childhood dishonesty that leads to adult criminality? Or the unhealthy habit that eventually becomes an addiction?
I paid for that seedling, planted it, nurtured it and watched it grow. It was hard work uprooting that full grown monstrous tree. How much easier it would have been when the plant was younger or better still, if I never allowed it take root!
We can’t afford to make that error in parenting. Bad habits must not take root and we must do everything within our power to nourish their positive habits. Remember, what we feed will grow.