Loyalty is more than a word, it’s a deeply rooted virtue that defines the very fabric of human relationships. It is the heartbeat of love, without which love dies, the soul of commitment, and the foundation of trust. Every meaningful connection we make in life: whether it’s with family, friends or spouses, rests upon the strength of our loyalty. Without loyalty, relationships crumble, trust evaporates, and the warmth of closeness turns cold.
I learnt the meaning of loyalty early in life, not from books or folktales, but through a personal experience that left a lasting imprint on my values. I grew up in a close-knit community where most of the houses had long-term occupants: the owners. We didn’t move homes hence we knew the members of every household by name. The children had good relationships as we formed friendship groups according to our ages. The adults were cordial too, with the exception of one family, a household led by a man who was difficult and infamous in the area for his short temper and incessant disputes. He often disregarded property lines and engaged in heated arguments with others, especially my dad.
Despite his quarrelsome character, the entire neighbourhood needed him; during the dry season, when water levels were low, and the taps in the neighbourhood ran dry, this man’s house was always the only one with portable water. This is because the terrain was inclined, and his house was at the lowest level of the slope. He provided water for the entire community.
One Saturday morning during the dry season, everything changed. I was going back to boarding school the next day, and I had a list of chores to do on that day, including handwashing my clothes. I needed water from our neighbour’s house. Unfortunately, my dad and this neighbour had a particularly intense altercation that morning. It was probably the worst they ever had. The air was thick with tension as they both retreated into their houses. After the shouting match, as the dust settled, I found myself torn between two instincts: going into our neighbour’s house to get water or staying back at my house. But I needed to wash my clothes and pack for school, so I crossed over to my neighbour’s house.
Across his garden, he got a glimpse of me entering his premises and yelled at me, “Your loyalty should be to your dad. You witnessed our fight earlier, stay with your family!”
Those words hit me like a storm. My heart sank. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and most of all, I felt I had failed to support someone I loved dearly: my dad. On this day, there was a line of division. Loyalty was deciding where to stay. Loyalty was not just an ideal, it was a choice. And I made the wrong one. The clothes could have waited. My loyalty should have been clearly demonstrated. One may think our adult neighbour was being petty, the most important thing is that he taught me a lesson as I walked out of his garden on that day with no water. His pettiness was for a moment, the lesson learnt is for a lifetime.
What is Loyalty?
By definition, loyalty is giving strong, consistent support to a person, people or institution that is dear to us. That experience taught me the practical meaning of loyalty. Loyalty is not always convenient but it’s noble. It taught me to always define where I stand in every situation. That loyalty is a choice made from the heart, not the head, because the head tells me what is convenient, but my heart tells me what is right. Although I made a wrong choice on this occasion, the experience taught me to choose right again and again. Loyalty is firm, resolute, unshaking and strong support for the people we love at all times and most importantly, loyalty is a reflection of our values and the strength of our character.
In friendship, true loyalty is not just in words but in deeds. I have been fortunate to witness a friendship defined by loyalty, and I can tell you it’s a beautiful thing. My mum had a ride-or-die friend whose loyalty spanned over five decades before she passed away. She was a practical definition of loyalty: dependable, supportive, trustworthy, committed and consistent. Her loyalty wasn’t just to her friend, she extended it to her friend’s children: my siblings and I. She was our advocate who bailed us out of every trouble. She was present at every family event and in every family picture: from our birthdays to graduations, weddings to child dedications. Through thin and thick, she stood by my mum.
That friendship reaffirms the importance of loyalty as the lifeline that binds long-lasting and genuine friendships. It’s depth and authenticity define the soul of our relationships. With it, relationships thrive, endure, and become sanctuaries of love, understanding and growth.
Family is the first relationship where loyalty is developed and tested. And the best way to teach loyalty is by demonstrating it. Our loyalty to our family is choosing to support in private and public, in their presence and their absence. It is faithfulness regardless of the circumstances and advocacy, speaking up and speaking well about our family members. It is showing up, having their back and being there for them.
Our loyalty is tested when anyone rises up against members of our family. It is our opportunity to demonstrate our unwavering support and our stance must be clear. When they are wrong, our chiding rebuttal must always be behind closed doors.
However, there are moments when loyalty seems like a double-edged sword, especially when it’s split between two important people or causes. For instance, being caught in a conflict between our parents, two close friends or two siblings. Choosing one side might feel like betrayal to the other. In these moments, loyalty doesn’t always mean picking a side; it means staying honest and supportive to both, without fuelling the fire. It means promoting peace and reconciliation, being a mediator, a pacifier, and sometimes the silent supporter. Divided loyalty teaches us the importance of balance, diplomacy and grace.
For me, loyalty is the most important quality to look out for in our relationships. There’s no point having my smile if you don’t have my back. Loyalty may be difficult to spot until it’s tested. But in our everyday relationships, let’s look out for commitment, support, advocacy, trust, fidelity, integrity, consistency, reliability and confidentiality. If none of these is present, we might need to rethink that soulless relationship. Read https://fullnineyards.com/small-acts-deep-scars-the-first-wounds-of-betrayal-in-friendship/ to appreciate the importance of loyalty in our relationships.