This is by far my favourite Valentine’s Day story; one I have shared with family and friends over time. On that fateful Valentine’s Eve, almost four decades ago, it felt like a silly and devastating thing to happen. Today, when I look at how commercialised Valentine’s Day has become, the story no longer feels silly at all. In fact, it makes perfect financial sense for anyone who is not aware that you don’t need money to prove love.
I was a university student at the time. My first Valentine’s Day on campus passed without incident, but by the following year, I had a boyfriend. Valentine’s Day at the university was a frenzy back then, celebrated with the exchange of cards and gifts, going out for a cheap “uni-day” dinner, and attending whatever parties or events the campus had organised. It was also a day filled with student drama: singles looking for an emergency date, finding true love, breakups, reconciliations, dating politics, gift comparisons, and subtle displays of financial power. The celebration came with joy and excitement for those who knew how to create fun at no cost, and financial stress for those who didn’t.
That year was meant to be my first proper Valentine’s date at university. Naturally, I was excited. I had pressured my dear boyfriend to come up with a plan all week. He was oddly hesitant, constantly dodging the topic, brushing it off, or changing the subject. I sensed something was off, but I never imagined what was coming.
On Valentine’s Eve, I got the shock of my life. My boyfriend came to see me, not with a plan for the next day, but with a breakup speech. There was no clear explanation, no grudge, and no fight. Nothing had gone wrong. Yet, the relationship ended on Valentine’s Eve with no warning.
I was crushed. I tore up the card I had bought for him, cancelled Valentine’s Day in my mind, and decided to go home the next day for the weekend. After Valentine’s Day, he tried to reconnect, acting friendly again, but I was done. Much later, he confessed to the real reason for the breakup: he was broke and didn’t know how to say so. He obviously thought he needed money to prove love.
Almost four decades on, I believe there are still people who think like him. But love does not require financial strain to be valid. You can show love deeply, meaningfully, and sincerely without spending the money you do not have.
This is where the idea of a No-Spend Valentine’s Day comes in.
A No-Spend Valentine’s Day is about celebrating the person or people you love without spending money. It is about prioritising connection over consumption and offering what money cannot buy: quality time, undivided attention, heartfelt words, personalised care, shared memories, genuine affection and your best culinary skills where possible. It replaces expensive gifts and overpriced dinners with something more intimate and memorable.
In a world where Valentine’s Day has become heavily commercialised, choosing a No-Spend Valentine’s Day is almost radical. Shops and restaurants would disagree with me, as the stores are currently lit in red, from teddy bears to chocolate boxes, while fresh roses are being cut in Kenya, and are on their way to almost every country. Commercialism thrives on convincing us that love must be proven through purchases.
You need money to tide you through your financial responsibilities in life, but not to prove love. Afterall, there are many billionaires with broken relationships.
This Valentine’s Day, know that there are many ways to have a beautiful celebration without touching your bank cards. Here are some thoughtful and meaningful ways for couples to celebrate a No-Spend Valentine’s Day:
- Cook an “Exotic Meal” using what you already have.
Look in your freezer and pantry, you will likely find ingredients waiting to be transformed. Use a cookbook or an online recipe to prepare something special, and avoid the noise in an overcrowded and overpriced restaurant. - Host a “Dressed-up Dinner and Dance” date at home.
Wear something nice, set the table with candles, and create a playlist of songs you both love. Eat, talk, laugh, and dance like no one is watching. - Create a “DIY Spa Night.”
Turn your home into a mini spa with a warm bath, scrubs, massages, soft music, and quiet conversation. These can be deeply relaxing and intimate. - Organise a “Game Evening.”
Play card and board games, trivia, quizzes, or video games that bring connection, fun and laughter. - Have a “Movie Night” at home.
Choose a romantic film or a comedy. Snuggle up and enjoy an evening of comfort and laughter. - Listen to “Music Together.”
Sometimes simply sitting together and listening is enough. - Host a “Karaoke Night.”
Sing along to songs that define your relationship or remind you of shared moments. - Exchange “Heartfelt Letters.” Find expression and write down all the “beautiful” things you’ve always wanted to say. Exchange the letters. Words last longer than gifts.
- Look through “Pictures and Family Albums.”
Revisit memories, milestones, and review the beauty of your journey so far. - Have a “Pyjama Cocktail Party” at home.
Enjoy a relaxed evening in your pyjamas with your favourite cocktails. Have a fun evening with no burning candles please. - Take a “Scenic Evening Walk” if the weather permits.
Walk holding hands through your neighbourhood, a park, or along the beach. Talk and listen to each other without distractions. - Plan a “Valentine’s Day Picnic.”
Your garden or a nearby park will be just fine. Enjoy the open air together, weather permitting. - Attend “Free Valentine’s Day Events” near you.
Check local listings, newsletters, or community announcements for free events
A No-Spend Valentine’s Day does not mean you are cheap. It means you are grounded, intentional, and financially aware. It shows you understand that luxury gifts and expensive dinners do not define the strength of a relationship.
Let’s avoid the Valentine’s Day buying frenzy and learn to give what money truly cannot buy. You do not need money to prove love.